9 months I thought I loved the little person growing inside of me…it took just a gaze to realize that the love I thought I felt was just a vague idea of what was to come.

They said it was going to hurt so much I might not be able to stand a home birth; they said I was going to love my baby like nothing else in the world; and that after it was all over I was going to forget the pain and would want to do it again.

It hurt and I swore that next time I would schedule a c-section; I love Dexter like I never imagined I could love; and yes, I still remember how painful it was, but I want to do it more than once again…

Saturday, January 12th, 2013: I had to answer all my emails in the early morning, the neurosis that normally characterizes me was a bit more present that day.

Before the morning ended, my Braxton Hicks became clear contractions. At around 11 am I found myself sinking my head into my husband’s stomach so I wouldn’t make a scene in public, and so we knew, we’d be parents soon.

We took our time to go through the day and decided to go for a walk that kicked me into full labor by the early afternoon, it was time to call our midwife (Kelly Olmstead).

After the walk, everything blended into a space with no time…The two big constants during the whole thing were pain and David’s strong hand hold….from birthing tub, I went back to bed, from bed to the shower, from the shower to the floor, and back to the birthing tub. At the break of dawn David asked me if I wanted him to update my mom, I thought he was crazy because she must have been sleeping, -what time is it?- I asked – 6:16am- David said.

Sunday, January 13th, 2013: “I can see your baby’s head” said Kelly…I was finally  pushing. David witnessed everything from up close and kept me updated on all the details of what he was seeing…a baby was about to make it out here. The thoughts of relieving pain medications and c-sections abandoned me for the first time since the night before.

“Little pushes! little pushes!” insisted Kelly…”wow! the head is out!, we have a baby!” screamed David, apparently my little pushes were not that little at all.

They helped the baby into my arms, for the first time I looked straight into our little Darling Dexter’s eyes completely ignoring the glorious meconium mess that accompanied his arrival (which was a very rare event even to our midwifes).